Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Orlando Bloom Smart, Humble, Might be Ugly

Orlando Bloom. Orlando Bloom. That name is pretty. It really is. Type it out. The ordering of the letters is pleasing to the typing fingers. The balance of the o's is pleasing to the eye. One more time: Orlando Bloom. When learning the art of journalism, the student learns of the inverted pyramid--putting all pertinent information at the very beginning of the story so that editors can simply cut off the end and not lose anything important if they run into layout restraints. Guess what? I don't have an editor. You'll have my silliness wherever I feel like placing it.

Orlando Bloom (ahhhh) recently revealed to Elle magazine that being famous DOES have it's drawbacks. According to the 3o year old actor, fame can hinder a man's love life. "You can't date if you're famous," says Bloom, "That's how it seems to me."

Bloom, who split with Kate Bosworth in the fall, continues "There are complications in relationships between men and women. There always will be. But there's also the celebrity aspect of it. It's like you travel so much and it feels like the options are endless. People think getting a new partner is like getting a new car."

The Pirates of the Caribbean star hypothesizes on extreme possible outcomes that could result from this attitude, "I have this wacky theory about the end of civilization, that people will trade up and trade up and trade up until they're too old to have kids. And the world will come to an end."

That actually sounds like a Candace Bushnell version of Brave New World. Or 1984. Or Animal Farm. ONE of the books that Mrs Pelios assigned, to be sure. Piss it, let's say it again: that sounds like a political satire that Candace Bushnell might write, if Candace Bushnell were in the business of penning political satire. And to be a bit cattier, let me say this: I've never really "gotten" the whole Orlando Bloom thing. He looks more like a landscaper to me than a movie star. But if there's one thing I know you shouldn't trust my opinion on, it's cooking. And possibly the do-ability factor of male celebrities. I have, after all, pledged my undying love to Harry Potter. He's a WIZARD, for crying out loud.


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